Tell me something I don't know.

Sent May 18, 2009 at 11:30pm
Wannabe Top: Well, I'm not a bottom, but your dick was delicious. You're mad hot.
Definitely a Top: Yeah...

Who cares about the diploma?

Sent May 18, 2009 at 11:42pm
Chase: How was graduation?
Sarah: I was hungover. I felt like shit. And once they started calling the names (1200) I had to poop and pee SO BAD!

It's true.

Sent: May 16/09 2:57 pm 

Chase: Go look at it, library whore.

Terin: Ugh, but then I'll have to do my hair to go to the library.  In case I meet my next bearded, smart, and witty music/book nerd boyfriend who happens to be there.

Chase: The chances of that happening are slim.  You'll just trip and fall into his dick in his Pinto parked in the lot.  Don't act like events in the past haven't unfolded like that.

How would you like your cash back today?

Sent: May 12/09 2:13 pm

Whore: The teller at Bank of America kept smiling and staring at me... It wasn't until after I left that I remember that I fucked their face once.

Tums and cum.

Sent: May 15/09 4:00 pm

Rachel: I had Chipotle earlier and now I have wicked heartburn.  It's like I gave Satan a blowjob.

Fifteen minutes with Daniel Frankfurter.

Sent: May 14/09 6:03 pm

Rachel: I failed to realize, until just now, that the author of my history textbook is named Daniel Frankfurter. Ha!

Terin: What a name! What a man! I can only imagine the lifestyle he leads.

Rachel: Yeah, and he's a medieval historian. I'll bet he drinks a lot of sherry.

Terin: He has swords in his office for sure.

Rachel: Right? And maybe a dragon tattoo that he doesn't like to show people?

Password Pt. 2

Sent May 16, 2009 at 3:15pm
Chase: Loser.
Terin: Faggot.
Chase: Cunt.
Terin: Piece of shit.
Chase: Cum dumpster.
Terin: Whitney Houston.
Chase: Diana Ross.
Terin: Queen Latifa.
Chase: Mo'Nique.
Terin: Brandy.
Chase: Monica.
Terin: Lisa Left Eye Lopez.
Chase: Peppa.
Terin: Pepperjack cheese.
Chase: Colby.
Terin: Headcheese.
Chase: Pantene Pro-V
Terin: Nair.
Chase: Balls.
Terin: Basketball shorts.
Chase: Wiener.
Terin: Schlong.
Chase: Shaft.
Terin: Urethra.
Chase: Aretha Franklin.
Terin: Star Jones.
Chase: Cow.
Terin: Pigface.
Chase: Bacon.
Terin: Jew.
Chase: Fro.
Terin: Weave.
Chase: Myrtle.
Terin: Miss Pearl.

The password is Pt. 1

Sent May 16, 2009 at 3:08pm
Terin: Brittney loved your facebook status this morning.
Chase: About Harry Potter?
Terin: Yeah the dementor thing.
Chase: Yeah.
Terin: Yeah.
Chase: Yeah.
Terin: Yup.
Chase: Mmhmm.
Terin: Yuh huh.
Chase: Yes.
Terin: Yessiree.
Chase: Youbetcha.
Terin: Damn it. I can't top "youbetcha"!

Learn to love it.

Sent May 13, 2009 at 6:02pm
Terin: Jesus, a sixty year old man just winked at me from his converter van.
Chase: Did you wink back? Or at least give the eat my vag sign?
Terin: I need to work on my vag sign- I always forget you can use it in those situations!
Chase: What other situation would you use it in?
Terin: The lesbian bar?

Fagalicious.

Sent May 13, 2009 at 7:35pm
Terin: I bought it at this shop in Boulder. On Pearl Street where everything is Tibetan and smells like incense and you can get rainbow bumper stickers.
Chase: Fagalicious.

Sweet fifteen.

Sent: May 5/09 7:36 pm

Terin: Best Cinco de Mayo gift- I just saw like five Mexican gangsters buying pink cupcakes!

Sam: LOL, must be a quinceanera. 

Her existence is futile.

Sent: May 4/09 1:23 pm

Rachel: I am watching a girl attempt to comb her hair in the wind.  Good to know that common sense is still something that cannot be bought.

What's that smell?

Sent May 4, 2009 at 7:50pm

Terin: I wouldn't mind my job if I didn't have to clean the goddamn case every Monday.

Chase: You should start hiding dead fish in cereal boxes.

Terin: That would be a rude surprise.

It's a curse.

Sent May 3, 2009 at 7:15pm

Jake: You escape your prison?

Chase: I'll always be gay Jake :-(

Jake: Hahaha

Chase: I'm crossing the Manhattan Bridge now; get out the lube.

Jake: Alright, I'll grease up the ol' joints.

Chase: Stretch out good. Yo gunna get raped!

Always a gentleman.

Sent May 1, 2009 at 12:47pm

Jake: Where you hoarding your filthy nuts tonight, ninja?

Did I have pubic hair in 5th grade?

Sent  May 4, 2009 at 6:57pm

Stepmom: One of my students told me today that he is pretty sure he's starting puberty because he is getting pubis hair. Isn't that nice he feels so close to me?

Chase: I almost just wrecked my car.

Best text message in a while.

Sent: May 1/09 5:47 pm
Hot and Bothered: Dude, I don't know what is going on but I am so horny! I close my eyes and all I can think about is cock!

Clearly Voldemort did it.

Sent: May 1/09 3:29 pm
Rachel: I just threw away a dead hummingbird in a dumpster and it was one of the saddest moments of my adult life.
Terin: Oh! Hummingbirds are supposed to live forever. Like Santa.
Rachel: Exactly! It was like seeing a dead unicorn.