Rumours.

Sent: Jan 26/10 3:43 pm
Terin: Fleetwood Mac and the Eagles are going on tour. They should call it the Stevie Nicks and Dudes She's Fucked Tour.
Rachel: I just blew snot ALL OVER my computer. Stevie is such a lady.
Terin: Seriously, she's boned like 4 people on that tour, I believe.
Rachel: As much as I love her, I have to say, I'm above blowing an Eagle bandmember.
Terin: Maybe Don Henley, but nobody else.
Rachel: Henley circa 1978, but that's my limit! (I have not done any real work at the office for like 2 hours now).

Happy Birthday, courtesy of Sallie Mae student loans.

Sent: Jan 25/10 11:38 pm

Jess: You know, you could have made me happy by just saying you were coming to my birthday on Facebook instead of being the only "no".

Terin: That would be like lying to a child! A child who loves birthdays.

Jess: But, I said of all people I wanted to come, it was you.

Terin: I could lie to you like an unreliable biological father, not show up, and ultimately, crush your spirit.

Jess: I'd rather that. Then I could have a real reason to be mad that you are not there.

The happiest place on earth.

Sent: Jan 12/10 2:45 pm

Chase: Jake stole a Disney World Christmas gift for me. A Mickey Mouse pin!

Terin: I bet Jake steals stuff like that all the time and thinks he's teaching Disney a lesson.

Chase: I said, "You may be off the Mormon list, but now you're on Disney's, which I think may be worse."

Terin: Next, he'll be on a no-fly list. And then, Gitmo.

Reality bites.

Sent: Jan 14/10 12:33 pm

Rachel: Things I did at work today: Picked cheese out of the CEO's salad because he's trying to watch his girlish figure. Glad I paid 40 grand a year for that private college education!

Terri the hulking lesbian.

Sent: Jan 6/09 6:32 pm
Terin: There is a job opening for an auto parts driver open, so in addition to working at a hunting store, I would be a full blown auto dyke!
Chase: Embrace it.
Terin: You can call me "Terri" and I'll get a femme mullet.
Chase: Or Kris.
Terin: Vague Pat.
Chase: Itttttttt's PAT!

Dot your I's with hearts.

Sent: Jan 7/09 5:03 pm
Rachel: Some girl in the elevator at work just said, "I only want it for cuteness," while holding the keys to her Mercedes. I wanted to kick her in the ovaries.
Terin: You're definitely going to have to key a cute Hello Kitty into her Benz!
Rachel: I was thinking the word "cunt!" Maybe I can use the Hello Kitty in the exclamation mark?

The spice of life.

Sent: Jan 6/09 10:51 am
Terin: Did Carlos take ya somewhere fancy for your birthday?
Rachel: He took me to this taco place with hot sauce that will destroy your colon. It was awesome!
Terin: Hot sauce: the prerequisite for a nice meal.
Rachel: You can't spell "class" without hot sauce!

I'm sorry, Lech.

Sent: Jan 1/09 6:54 pm
Terin: Today, I helped a man named Lech Gacek. He wore Dahmer glasses and head-to-toe denim, naturally.
Rachel: Shut up! He probably had an insect collection.
Terin: And a child in his basement.
Rachel: It puts the lotion on its skin.

Santa, baby.

Sent: Dec 23/09 2:35 pm
Brandy: It is of my opinion that anyone who actually enjoys the mall around Christmas time is a masochist.
Terin: I just visualized a mom in leather at JCPenny's.
Brandy: Whip in hand.
Terin: Credit card in teeth.
Brandy: I'm sure there's a small child on a leash.
Terin: And one tied up in the food court.

What a party this is going to be!

Sent: Dec 17 /09 12:21 pm
Rachel: There is a radio contest out here where you can enter to attend Neil Diamond's holiday party!! I've entered us 12 times!
Terin: Neil Diamond would definitely have ice sculptures at his holiday party! And a festive shirt.
Rachel: Shit! I bet Barry Manilow will be there.
Terin: And a few old showgirls.